Ok so this is a very hard and difficult post for me to write however it's one I've been planning on doing for a long time now and i feel like I'm now ready to share. I have mentioned in previous posts that i suffer with anxiety and it's something I've wanted to speak about more in depth and openly but to go into that i first have to talk about the huge factor and what has caused it to get so bad and that's the fact i suffer with what i can only describe as extreme IBS (Irritable Bowl Syndrome).
Unfortunately for me i feel like IBS isn't really know about and when you first tell people it's something you have they just chuckle and think it means you just have to go to the loo....it's not. I first got IBS when i was 15 and it ruined my life at that point and caused me to miss so much school i was only allowed to attend two subjects. At that point in my life I didn't really know or understand what was going on or how to fix it but every time i had a meal i would be in such excruciating pain i would be in tears for up to half an hour to the point where my body would make me sick and then the pain would pass. The only thing i could do food wise was snack through out the day, this for some reason was fine for me to do. I weighed around seven stone and i was miserable, i had this until i was 17 and miraculously when i got with Phil (my partner) it just disappeared and i mean just vanished, I could stuff myself with Chinese, pizza, Indian literally any food i desired.
That was until the birth of my son, for some reason going through labour brought it all back and brought it back with a vengeance. For the first year of Aidens life i couldn't seem to eat or really do anything and it meant i missed out on time with him too, i went to the doctors tried all the tablets they could offer but nothing worked. Strangely my IBS likes to work in a different way to most diets that are tailored for it as it seems like the healthier the meal the more ill it makes me, i have literally eaten chicken nuggets and chips for two years now (for some reason this is safe for me to eat). Even simple things like travelling has been affected by this as i can't be on a bus or in a car for long journeys and I'm afraid to eat unless I'm at home. It's safe to say that IBS has a very tight grip on my life and i stayed inside a lot because of it, this in turn has caused me to have ridiculous anxiety in even simple social situations.
Early this year i was in a situation which caused me to have what i would call a mild panic attack and i decided enough was enough and to try and take a hold of my life again. Although there is no cure for IBS i will not let it take over completely and am slowly trying new foods to widen my "safe meals". From doing this instead of just being able to eat chicken i have found i can also eat venison and fish, I'm not really a fishy person so that's down to taste more than anything haha and it's surprising on just how much having a variety of meat can open up a few meal choices. I've also swapped mash and roasted potatoes to new boiled potatoes which is a nice change from having chips all the time haha. I've dared to eat at a restaurant with the Mr and instead of being shy i have asked the waiter to change something on the meal to suite me, for example i order the hunters chicken but ask for no cheese and no pepper (i can't tolerate pepper at all) and for the barbecue sauce to be separate, that way i can try it and if i think it's going to be risky i can just leave it. However i think the biggest change I've made that has really helped me is drinking peppermint and nettle tea, since drinking this i have found my stomach to be a lot more settled and happier.
I don't think IBS is widely spoke about as a lot of it's sufferers are to embarrassed by it and that's me included. It's a horrible thing to have that can easily spiral out of control and take a hold of your life but if like me and you feel like there's nothing that can help, some small changes can make you feel slightly "normal" again. It's not nice to suffer with this at any age but when your young and meant be able to do whatever you want it especially sucks. I may do more posts on this if i find something that really helps or if it's something you would be interested in then please don't be shy to ask, i will be doing a more in depth post about my anxiety too.